Friday, January 04, 2008

gonna be some changes made...

Maybe it is the spirit of the New Year or maybe I have just finally gotten my head out of my ass. But I made a major life decision on Tuesday. In late February I am moving to New Orleans for good. Or at least as "for good" as it gets in my life.

I want people to know and understand that I have no hard feelings about Nashville. I needed to move here. It was a necessary step in my life. Or maybe this is my narrative anesthetic. I could be just making up a story to make myself feel better about a decision. But I don't think so. I think moving to Nashville made the decision to move to New Orleans more significant. Before, I thought I just needed to move for a change from Colorado and now I realize that I am not wandering aimlessly. My wanderings have a purpose and an end goal. New Orleans.

I have found that a lot of people do not understand my draw to the Big Easy and honestly, it isn't something I can describe very easily. The truth of the matter is that I think anyone who wants to live in New Orleans has a mental illness, which is something I have suspected about myself for a long time. Now the diagnosis is complete. Basically, it is where I am the happiest. I have a group of peers who understand me and support me even when they don't. I have a church and a pastor who I know would do anything for me. I have a multi-generational community, that is real, not just people I say hi to on Sunday. I have a purpose in New Orleans. I can create significance down there.

I have been struggling with this idea of significance for the past year. I guess my phrase to sum up 2007 would be "what is significance?" Significance can be found anywhere. You don't need to be "changing the world" to be significant, because the truth is, if you are living your life for God, you are changing the world. You are impacting lives around you and spreading love.

For some reason I haven't been able to do that in Nashville. I have felt stifled and drawn into myself. I haven't been able to reach out the way I know I should. New Orleans gives me that freedom. I don't know if it is the people down there or the atmosphere of the city, but I feel more alive when I am in New Orleans than anywhere else. I have known that since the first time I set foot into that city a year and a half ago. It has just taken me this long to realize that it is where I should be.

How amazing, that I can know these things about myself and about my life, but not understand what steps to take. When I left New Orleans for the first time, moving there seemed like an impossible dream. Life has taken me on many different adventures since then and I feel primed for this move. I don't want to wait another minute. So I will wait two more months!!!