i'm experiencing a lack of motivation at work this week, probably stemming from the fact that i had a meeting with my boss monday morning telling him i am officially looking for other jobs. this doesn't mean i will be leaving anytime soon or that my work now magically doesn't need to get done. but i am now consumed by the idea of change.

change has always been a big "something" in my life. i credit myself with being a "restless wanderer." while so far this has been true in my life, it is one of those self-fulfilling prophecies. i see myself as a person who moves around a lot and doesn't stay settled, so i tend to create situations for myself where this is the solution. or maybe that is just me being paranoid about myself.

in any case, i told my boss that i am looking for new jobs...mostly because there is currently no security for my job past june 30 and i don't want to sit around waiting until then to find out if i need a new job. this is the problem with your job being funded by grants! so i started looking around in new orleans...and elsewhere.

this has brought about all sorts of anxieties for me. money, moving, commitment issues...is it time for me to leave? am i abandoning my friends and church family down here? what about my commitment to be an elder at my church? is finding a good job worth leaving all this behind? where is GOD leading me? or is HE telling me to stay put?

those who know me know that i can talk myself in some pretty tight circles with these kinds of issues. i'm trying to step back, evaluate, pray, discuss (in logical terms), and decide.

the truth is i have found jobs that interest me all over the country, and none in new orleans...so far. i guess i just need to breathe *in* *out* and wait. i'm just no good at waiting.