january 12. my birthday.

i woke up yesterday morning, early enough to have some breakfast and check my email before making it to my weekly nonprofit meeting. i had fallen asleep in what i had been wearing since the previous afternoon, so i thought a costume change would be prudent. problem was, most of my pants were still wet from saturday laundry day. (i've stopped using the dryer. this saves me $1.25 a load and it's a little more envirofriendly) one pair of black pants were mostly dry, just a little stiff from hanging out the past two days. to remedy this problem, i hung them in front of my gas heater while i ran into the bedroom to change shirts.

i walked back into the living room to retrieve my pants, literally less than 3 minutes later, only to find a problem. a big problem. either my pants were too close or the heater was turned on too high because there was definitely a hole singed through the back of my pants. i snatched them up before further damage (read: flames!) could occur when my smoke detector started going off. at 8 am. i frantically dragged the closest chair over to the wall to yank the battery out. in an apartment where i can hear my neighbors shuffling papers next door, a fire alarm going off at 8 am was definitely going to be an issue. luckily i think i got it off fast enough that whoever it woke up could fall back asleep quickly enough.

so i stood there, the morning of my 25th birthday, with singed pants in one hand and my smoke detector in the other. i started to get that familiar feeling. anger, disappointment, frustration at my stupid decision or lack of focus that had led to this situation. the feelings gripped my chest and started to wrap their talons tighter. all of a sudden it was turning into my worst. birthday. ever! all before 8:30 am.

but something reminded me that it didn't have to be. i didn't have to be angry and disappointed and frustrated. i could inhale deeply (despite the wisps of smoke) and let go. so i did. and then i started laughing. hard. i had gotten so wrapped up in everything i had done wrong and could have done better that i missed the hilarity and ridiculousness of the situation. and boy was it hilarious and ridiculous!

years ago my grandmother (neeno) gave me a little trinket for christmas. she is one of those grandmothers who always finds little things that everyone else would pass right over. this trinket happens to be a little pewter cube that has the imprint of an angel on one side and the words "angels fly because they take themselves lightly" on another. while most of my other little trinkets have stayed behind in boxes at my parents' house, this little cube has travelled with me. and it reminds me that i must take myself lightly or forever be banished to crawling on the ground.

i almost let myself crawl through my 25 birthday, but i didn't. i made a choice to laugh and i flew. what was shaping up to be the worst. birthday. ever. became one of the best. soon after my laughter died down, i heard my work phone ringing. it was my boss telling me to take the day off and celebrate my birthday. so i did. with a big piece of chocolate cake for breakfast.