i was not super pleased about my post yesterday. i don't think i was in a good mindset to write, but had a lot to say. today i wrote an email to a good friend of mine from high school and i think it conveys my sentiments in a more eloquent fashion...
if there is one good thing about living away from colorado, it's the ability to recognize the kind of climate/geography we need to stay sane. i do not think i can tolerate another louisiana summer!!! i'm wrapping up my fourth, since i spent two summers here before i moved. ugh...so gross and sweaty and frizzy and my allergies act up like they've never done before! so looking forward to colorado weather!
i'm sorry that oregon hasn't been a dream come true. not that anyone ever expected oregon to be a dream come true...except maybe those on the oregon trail. but man, that trail was a bitch! anyway, i am proud of you for sticking to your guns and pursuing your interests! and for finding the little things to help you keep going in the midst of all the muck. i've definitely had that experience here.
every once in awhile i'm so overcome by the poverty and depression and struggle to rebuild a city...and i just need what i call "good new orleans moments" (insanely clever, i know!) i needed a lot of them this week. i went for a walk in the gorgeous park by my house and enjoyed the live oaks, spanish moss, and magnolia trees. i went to my favorite bar for pint night and added to my collection of glasses from there. i drove across the river just to be able to say "i have to cross the river tonight." it's those little things that keep us going, eh?
but it still doesn't always compare to taking a walk down pearl street. getting a soy chai at Trident. going for a hike in chataqua. driving up to rocky mountain national park to watch the aspens change right before your eyes. spending a day skiing and the evening drinking beer around an actual fire... maybe i should stop now before i ruin both of our lives.
anyway, i know you are a smart, strong, capable woman and you will have no problem with your field work and breezing through graduation! hope to see you at some point in the near future! love love.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
good new orleans moments
every once in awhile i get so consumed with all the crap going on in my life that i forget to enjoy where i am. and i don't really mean "to be content in my circumstances." i mean to really embrace the fact that i live in New Orleans, a place with a lot of history, culture, and fun places to experience. i won't live here forever (hopefully) and i need to soak it up while i can.
usually when i have these kinds of revelations, i go for a walk in audubon park, which i've written about many times before. however, it has rained every afternoon this week and the sun is starting to set earlier making walks in the park after work a difficult thing to manage. so last night i went to pint night at the bulldog.
now, the bulldog isn't special when compared to other places in the city, but it holds a special place in my relationship with new orleans. it was one of the only "locals" bars open in the summer of 2006 when i first came down as a volunteer. so anytime we wanted a beer, the whole crew would meet up at the bulldog and crowd around one of the outside picnic tables. there was a huge community feel to the crowd there. everyone was friends with each other by default of us being back in the city that summer.
so last night i needed to feel good about new orleans. and i added two more pint glasses to my collection.
usually when i have these kinds of revelations, i go for a walk in audubon park, which i've written about many times before. however, it has rained every afternoon this week and the sun is starting to set earlier making walks in the park after work a difficult thing to manage. so last night i went to pint night at the bulldog.
now, the bulldog isn't special when compared to other places in the city, but it holds a special place in my relationship with new orleans. it was one of the only "locals" bars open in the summer of 2006 when i first came down as a volunteer. so anytime we wanted a beer, the whole crew would meet up at the bulldog and crowd around one of the outside picnic tables. there was a huge community feel to the crowd there. everyone was friends with each other by default of us being back in the city that summer.
so last night i needed to feel good about new orleans. and i added two more pint glasses to my collection.
Monday, September 21, 2009
writing for the sake of writing
two nights ago i sat on a friend's couch discussing a short story she had written. it was amazing to to me to see how interacted with her characters. they were people outside of her own imagination. it made me jealous for those with the creative energy to create fiction pieces.
i've always been a first person prose kind of writer, not very good at making up believable story lines. i can craft a fairly good piece of analysis (if i do say so myself).
however, i remember in high school my friend and i would write each other stories. they were fairy tales, really, composed of characters from our every day lives. she and i were the main characters (of course) and the boys we fancied would weave their way in and out of the stories. if they ever did something to hurt us in real life, we would kill them off in our fairy tale world. girls we didn't like were always cast as the evil witch and our other friends made cameos at balls and weddings.
i don't think those stories would have ever passed for actual writing in the one fiction class i took in college. i really upped my game for that one. and i still got a C. ugh.
i've always been a first person prose kind of writer, not very good at making up believable story lines. i can craft a fairly good piece of analysis (if i do say so myself).
however, i remember in high school my friend and i would write each other stories. they were fairy tales, really, composed of characters from our every day lives. she and i were the main characters (of course) and the boys we fancied would weave their way in and out of the stories. if they ever did something to hurt us in real life, we would kill them off in our fairy tale world. girls we didn't like were always cast as the evil witch and our other friends made cameos at balls and weddings.
i don't think those stories would have ever passed for actual writing in the one fiction class i took in college. i really upped my game for that one. and i still got a C. ugh.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
coffee shop life
i feel like whenever i spend extended time in a coffee shop, i inevitably encounter the following types of people:
-The Overly Cheerful Barista. today i met seth, my barista. i really really think he loves his job. maybe a little too much.
-The Loud Talking Self-Important Couple. they may or may not be an actual couple, but it is invariably a man and a woman, having an extended coffee date, speaking with elevated volume about their important lives and the important people they know. it might be about the dinner party they attended last night or their recent trip through India by railway. they have no need to speak in hushed voices because they are obviously the most important people in the room.
-The Worker. sometimes this is me. this person takes over at least three tables with their laptop, paperwork, planner, five cell phones, PDAs, pens, highlighters, and multiple cups of coffee. usually not a student.
-The Real Student. the guy sitting across the aisle from me is a real student. i see him here often. always has stacks of books on his table and a notebook. doesn't bring a computer with which to pretend to "study" while actually reading blogs and chatting with friends.
-The Fake Student. the opposite of the guy i referenced above. also the two people sitting next to me. books in hand, but have yet to open, read, or discuss literature in the 45 minutes they've been present.
-Bored High School Girls. never boys, always girls. they get dropped off by their parents and end up watching loud youtube videos instead of doing any actual schoolwork.
-The Odd Ball Regular. today it is a guy who has been online shopping for the past hour. a few days ago it was the woman who was doing cross-stitch while singing along to her ipod.
i do love the coffee shop life. where else can this eclectic group of people find a place to do what they need to do? while simultaneously distracting themselves from what they need to do?
-The Overly Cheerful Barista. today i met seth, my barista. i really really think he loves his job. maybe a little too much.
-The Loud Talking Self-Important Couple. they may or may not be an actual couple, but it is invariably a man and a woman, having an extended coffee date, speaking with elevated volume about their important lives and the important people they know. it might be about the dinner party they attended last night or their recent trip through India by railway. they have no need to speak in hushed voices because they are obviously the most important people in the room.
-The Worker. sometimes this is me. this person takes over at least three tables with their laptop, paperwork, planner, five cell phones, PDAs, pens, highlighters, and multiple cups of coffee. usually not a student.
-The Real Student. the guy sitting across the aisle from me is a real student. i see him here often. always has stacks of books on his table and a notebook. doesn't bring a computer with which to pretend to "study" while actually reading blogs and chatting with friends.
-The Fake Student. the opposite of the guy i referenced above. also the two people sitting next to me. books in hand, but have yet to open, read, or discuss literature in the 45 minutes they've been present.
-Bored High School Girls. never boys, always girls. they get dropped off by their parents and end up watching loud youtube videos instead of doing any actual schoolwork.
-The Odd Ball Regular. today it is a guy who has been online shopping for the past hour. a few days ago it was the woman who was doing cross-stitch while singing along to her ipod.
i do love the coffee shop life. where else can this eclectic group of people find a place to do what they need to do? while simultaneously distracting themselves from what they need to do?
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
a means in itself
so i've been a little neglectful of my blog over the past two weeks. but my reasons are mostly because i've been caught up in real world happenings! which is good! mostly. *sigh* i'll try not to make this post too melancholy, because it isn't how i feel in the grander scheme.
to start with, i wrote a piece about this yesterday and was planning to post it today. but unfortunately my mac does not want to cooperate with me until i resolve it's "kernel panic." blech. so here goes my attempt at re-creation...
i've often written about the funk that 20-somethings go through. what has been termed "quarter-life crisis." who am i? what am i doing with my life? where am i going? how do i get there? etc??? realizing that all of these questions seem to point to the fact that we should be bigger, grander, and more important that we feel. afterall, aren't we the generation of "you can be whatever you want to be?"
but what if it isn't about the grandious, world-changing, rock-your-face off things? i recently had a friend recount to me that she suddenly remembered how much she loves to dance. and why she loves it. she said "I was talking about it to someone....it's one of the only things in my life that is a means in itself...not a means to an end..I think it's so important to have those things..." now, this shouldn't be such a revelation, but i think it is.
why do i keep making my life about what it should be? i enter into almost everything in my life with an attitude of "this is okay, but where can it get me?" and quite frankly, that's exhausting! i don't have enough in my life that is a means in itself...not a means to an end.
one thing that pops into my mind is my relationship with church right now. as you may or may not know, i am in a position of leadership at my church. and with this position comes a lot of weight and responsibility about the future of our (struggling) congregation. i don't really remember the last time that i walked into my church on a sunday morning with the attitude that i was there to worship God as a means in itself. it always seems like a stepping stone to something else. something in the future.
this is a destructive mindset, in my opinion. read: i am not advocating a lifestyle without future planning! but Jesus even tells us himself that we should not worry about the future. should my goal be to wake up every morning with the goal of that day to be simply an opportunity to worship? i think yes.
to start with, i wrote a piece about this yesterday and was planning to post it today. but unfortunately my mac does not want to cooperate with me until i resolve it's "kernel panic." blech. so here goes my attempt at re-creation...
i've often written about the funk that 20-somethings go through. what has been termed "quarter-life crisis." who am i? what am i doing with my life? where am i going? how do i get there? etc??? realizing that all of these questions seem to point to the fact that we should be bigger, grander, and more important that we feel. afterall, aren't we the generation of "you can be whatever you want to be?"
but what if it isn't about the grandious, world-changing, rock-your-face off things? i recently had a friend recount to me that she suddenly remembered how much she loves to dance. and why she loves it. she said "I was talking about it to someone....it's one of the only things in my life that is a means in itself...not a means to an end..I think it's so important to have those things..." now, this shouldn't be such a revelation, but i think it is.
why do i keep making my life about what it should be? i enter into almost everything in my life with an attitude of "this is okay, but where can it get me?" and quite frankly, that's exhausting! i don't have enough in my life that is a means in itself...not a means to an end.
one thing that pops into my mind is my relationship with church right now. as you may or may not know, i am in a position of leadership at my church. and with this position comes a lot of weight and responsibility about the future of our (struggling) congregation. i don't really remember the last time that i walked into my church on a sunday morning with the attitude that i was there to worship God as a means in itself. it always seems like a stepping stone to something else. something in the future.
this is a destructive mindset, in my opinion. read: i am not advocating a lifestyle without future planning! but Jesus even tells us himself that we should not worry about the future. should my goal be to wake up every morning with the goal of that day to be simply an opportunity to worship? i think yes.
Friday, September 4, 2009
hoping for the best...
recently i've been confronted by some bad attitudes (including my own!) it seems that there are a lot of people who claim to "hope for the best" but really don't hope for anything. they are expecting the worst and feel justified when they can pick something apart into it's awful components.
i'm doing my best to keep this kind of thinking out of my own mind. if i walk into my big session meeting tomorrow thinking "this is going to suck, no one has prepared, all the decisions are going to be agonizing, etc..." then chances are those are the aspects of the meeting i'm going to see. keeping a positive attitude at least gives me a fighting chance of seeing the good things that will happen during the meeting.
so, as an encouragement to myself and to you, let's hope for the best. let's expect the best. because then we at least have a fighting chance. and you know what? we can get over the disappointment if it doesn't all work out how we want.
i'm doing my best to keep this kind of thinking out of my own mind. if i walk into my big session meeting tomorrow thinking "this is going to suck, no one has prepared, all the decisions are going to be agonizing, etc..." then chances are those are the aspects of the meeting i'm going to see. keeping a positive attitude at least gives me a fighting chance of seeing the good things that will happen during the meeting.
so, as an encouragement to myself and to you, let's hope for the best. let's expect the best. because then we at least have a fighting chance. and you know what? we can get over the disappointment if it doesn't all work out how we want.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
happiness is...
i'm copying this idea from another blog because i feel like i need the reminder:
-a cup of tea and a good book
-getting up early in the morning to sit down to breakfast
-and spend time with God
-changing weather
-a long walk with a good friend
-new adventures on the horizon
-dance party
-support from the people you love the most
-long talks on the phone with the family
i've hit several of those this week and hopefully will round out the list in the next few days!
-a cup of tea and a good book
-getting up early in the morning to sit down to breakfast
-and spend time with God
-changing weather
-a long walk with a good friend
-new adventures on the horizon
-dance party
-support from the people you love the most
-long talks on the phone with the family
i've hit several of those this week and hopefully will round out the list in the next few days!
last night
i've been having trouble sleeping recently, but it's largely been my fault. i stay up too late one night, take a nap the next day, can't sleep that night, etc... but last night i didn't take a nap, i went for a walk. and still couldn't sleep.
i was too wound up about things. ridiculous things. like, what i was going to cook for breakfast (fried egg and shaved parmesan on a whole wheat english muffin) and how excited i was that i had already made my lunch AND dinner for the next day. yes, i couldn't sleep because i was that excited about food. haha.
although, i know it wasn't all about food. a lot of it is general anxiety about my life right now. i'm still trying to give that anxiety to God every day, but i keep grabbing it back. in my last post i talked about how i hate the waiting game. that includes everything that's going on in my life right now regarding my job, grad school, and possibly moving back to the CO. i'm the kind of person who would rather pick up and move just to get it over with, rather than waiting for a job, acceptance to grad school, and my lease to end! but i'm not doing that this time around. i'm waiting on God.
so to all my friends who say i'm too restless and impulsive and nomadic...take that! i'm actually going to wait this one out. for now, at least.
i was too wound up about things. ridiculous things. like, what i was going to cook for breakfast (fried egg and shaved parmesan on a whole wheat english muffin) and how excited i was that i had already made my lunch AND dinner for the next day. yes, i couldn't sleep because i was that excited about food. haha.
although, i know it wasn't all about food. a lot of it is general anxiety about my life right now. i'm still trying to give that anxiety to God every day, but i keep grabbing it back. in my last post i talked about how i hate the waiting game. that includes everything that's going on in my life right now regarding my job, grad school, and possibly moving back to the CO. i'm the kind of person who would rather pick up and move just to get it over with, rather than waiting for a job, acceptance to grad school, and my lease to end! but i'm not doing that this time around. i'm waiting on God.
so to all my friends who say i'm too restless and impulsive and nomadic...take that! i'm actually going to wait this one out. for now, at least.
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