somewhere over the rainbow

sometimes being back in boulder feels like i've stumbled out of reality and into some bizarre sideways world. i mean, i've been gone for long enough that i've grown up and changed in a lot of ways from how i was the last time i lived here. i don't mean to say that i'm a different person, because that's just not true. but i do have different viewpoints about life and a different ways of interacting with the world around me.

so it's very strange to come back to a place that is so familiar, and it throws all of that into stark relief. people always say it's good to do self-audits and check yourself back against what you were doing a year, two years, before. this is like a forced self-audit every day of my life.

it's interesting to run into people i know, and maybe have even kept in touch with, and realize that i exist differently in their mind and memory than i do in present day reality. but that bothers me less than it used to when i would run into people from high school. i think what is really exciting about this daily insight into where i was and where i am is that i'm really happy about where i am right now. i have no regrets of what the last few years have brought into my life. i feel like i am a richer person for the experiences and how they have shaped me.

and i'm even letting go of my incessant need to be understood by everyone i meet. if they get me now...great! if not...too bad! what freedom comes from taking that stance!!!