attitude revisted

sorry that i've been neglecting this blog for the past few months. i don't feel terribly guilty about it though, because i have been regularly writing on my other blog...bucketlistnola.tumblr.com

i know, i know, why do i have two blogs? because i like for things to be organized. and i wanted a space where i could specifically write about my last few months in new orleans. i wanted a dedicated compartment for those thoughts. unfortunately that means that this blog, my more general blog, has been neglected for awhile. but i think it reflects my state of mind right now. everything is about my move. everything.

i mention on bucketlistnola that about a month ago i had a switch click and my perspective about moving seemed to change. the first few months of this year were very focused on New Orleans and how much i can wring out of my time left here. things were going great and it was very easy to stay "in the moment" as they say. then a bunch of stuff changed. and i started to realize that i needed to begin making the emotional/mental shift to prepare for my very physical shift.

i won't lie, things have been rough. i mean, outwardly i've still been having fun and everything, but i can feel myself pulling away. i realized this in a big way on sunday night with my small group. a very familiar topic of discussion rose to the surface (the necessity of community for a Christian life) and there were a few statements made that i disagreed with and certain tones of voice that were slightly offensive to me. ordinarily i'm the type to sit there and talk it out until the air is cleared, but i found myself literally thinking "what's the point? i'm leaving anyway..."

um...what?!?! some of you might not understand what the big deal is. because it's true, i am leaving. but just because i'm leaving does not mean that i am pulling out of the community that the Lord has blessed me with during my time here. and it scared me that i had that thought.

now, i don't believe the specific conversation needs to be revisited, but my attitude certainly does. i need to make sure i'm not unintentionally or otherwise pushing people away as i'm getting ready to leave.

so, not the most exciting thing i've posted about, but it's what in my head right now...